FedEx Asshole

Two packages arrived for me yesterday. While at work, I noticed that one of the drivers had attempted delivery. I quickly called the shipping company and asked them to hold the package at the facility and not attempt to deliver it in the middle of the day, while I’m not home.

Package 2 was from another shipper, delivered by FedEx. When I left work at 15:30 yesterday, delivery had not been attempted, according to the tracking number. I had either to catch the driver to receive my package yesterday, or there’d be a note that would have a number I could call to ask them to hold it for me in San José. This was what I thought.

This is not what happened.

Package 1
Item: Amazon box containing a book and four CDs.
Value: about $80 (retail).
Deliverer: UPS
Result: Attempted delivery, left a note, held at distribution center.
Package 2
Item: Apple box containing a 12″ PowerBook G4
Value: about $2000 (retail)
Deliverer: FedEx
Result: Attempted delivery, left a note, PACKAGE LEFT ON DOORSTEP

I shouldn’t have to tell you why FedEx is now officially on my shit list.

Shame On You, Apple

Today, Apple introduced a few new products. As a devotee of their computers since the Reagan administration, I always follow MacWorld Expo with some interest — especially this year in which I’m tossing around the notion of a new 12” PowerBook.

In Apple’s ad copy for the new iPod Shuffle:

“If you favor cycling to a hip-hop soundtrack and snowboarding to a little electronica, Autofill iPod shuffle from a specific iTunes Playlist and roll.”

The electronica reference was grating and annoying, like grandma trying to sound cool by looking up some lingo. But, my problem isn’t really that. It’s the first part of that. “If you favor cycling to a hip-hop soundtrack…”

Under California Vehicle Code (27400), it is unlawful to operate any vehicle (including a bicycle) while wearing headphones (“A person operating a motor vehicle or bicycle may not wear a headset covering, or earplugs in, both ears” - ¶1). The single headphone that comes in hands-free cell phone attachments leaves one ear free to hear traffic. No, it’s not legal “if you turn it down” or any other seemingly mitigating factor. It’s flat out illegal to operate a bicycle while wearing headphones — not just in California, but most other states as well.

Not only is it illegal to do so, it’s extremely reckless and dangerous to operate a bicycle while listening to your iPod. As a transportational cyclist who logged over 5000 miles last year on Silicon Valley streets, I find it sometimes infuriating with unobstructed hearing to deal with the ignorance and inattentiveness of motorists who share my roads. Wearing headphones while cycling is idiotic.

It is downright irresponsible for any company to advocate such activity, as though it were benign. Apple is influencing a fanatically devoted group of devotees, including some people who might not know that there’s anything at all wrong with what is suggested in that copy. Most bicycle riders know almost nothing about the rules of the road in the first place (I have encountered wrong-way cyclists almost every day - coming down the left sidewalk or bike lane with no lights, dressed in black, no helmet, at night). While it’s not Apple’s responsibility to make sure that everyone who buys their products isn’t an idiot, they still have a responsibility not to advise their customers to engage in reckless behavior against the rule of law and common sense.

Apple, remove that copy at once. It only takes one idiot to go cycling “to a hip-hop soundtrack” to get hurt by a car wearing an iPod Shuffle to cost your company tens of millions of dollars. That copy is a lawsuit just itching to happen. If I wasn’t about to go to bed in the next five minutes, I’d be extra helpful by posting quotes from a study or two about how much more dangerous bicycling gets when it’s done incorrectly, inattentively, and irresponsibly.

40 Things in 2004

Stolen from Marc Canter.

  1. What did you do in 2004 that you’d never done before? I rode over 5000 miles on my bicycle, lost over 30 pounds, and got a job without applying.
  2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year? I kept some of them, exceeded some of them, and totally missed some of them. I will probably make a couple more.
  3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My friend, Andrew (the bass player / keyboardist / producer of UNEAQ), and his wife welcomed their first daughter to the world in October.
  4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
  5. What countries did you visit? I left California only once (December 23 - 26, 2004) to spend Christmas in Idaho.
  6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Confidence and steady employment.
  7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory? July 27 (I got hit by a car that day), October 12 (a now-former friend ditched me at DNA Lounge that night), December 22 (passed through 5000 miles)
  8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I set a goal on January 1 to ride 4000 miles in 2004 on my bicycle, after completing just over 3000 in 2003. I completed 5000 on December 22. Instead of meeting my goal, I smashed it by four left-of-decimal digits.
  9. What was your biggest failure? I did not write any music in 2004.
  10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes, thanks to a young lady who had not learned to use her turn signal or watch for traffic, I was couched for four weeks in late July and August with road rash, a severely strained right hand and wrist, and bruised ribs.
  11. What was the best thing you bought? My new bike on November 21 — a 2005 Trek 520 touring bike.
  12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My friend, Emmett, came over after I got in my crash and bought me Indian food after I came home from the hospital. Amanda and I went dancing more times than I can recall without my Palm Calendar and she was always happy to pick me up in Menlo Park.
  13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A friend of mine ditched me at DNA Lounge at 4:30 in the morning after a consistent year of being an asshole to everyone and working very diligently at screwing up his life and making everyone around him miserable.
  14. Where did most of your money go? Food, cycling, and dancing.
  15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The new Om parties at DNA Lounge, building touring maps with mapping software, my new Trek, making Remedy’s website valid XHTML 1.0 Strict.
  16. What song/album will always remind you of 2004? Probably “Days Like This” by Sean Escofferey, because I saw him live at DNA Lounge in the fall.
  17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    1. happier or sadder? happier
    2. thinner or fatter? thinner
    3. richer or poorer? richer
  18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Until I started at Remedy in October, I had worked 32 days in 2004. I wished I’d worked more.
  19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worry. Procrastinate.
  20. How did you spend Christmas? I visited my family in Idaho. It was fun seeing everybody together in one place.
  21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? Kai.
  22. Did you fall in love in 2004? Yes. With her.
  23. How many one night stands in this last year? I do not engage in intimate personal relationships with other people.
  24. What was your favorite TV program? Extinct: Firefly. Drama: The West Wing. Nonfiction: Globetrekker.
  25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No. I’m still pissed about the election, though.
  26. What was the best book(s) you read? The Years of Rice and Salt (still in progress) by Kim Stanley Robinson.
  27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Bargrooves and Hed Kandi compilations.
  28. What did you want and get? My new Trek, a new job, a new digital , and a Palm Tungsten E.
  29. What did you want and not get? A ride with an average speed over 20 mph.
  30. What were your favorite films of this year? The Incredibles, 21 Grams, The Pianist, Kill Bill 1, Kill Bill 2, The Legend of 1900, Lost in Translation, Whale Rider, Big Fish, Seabiscuit, American Flyers, Buena Vista Social Club, and others.
  31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? On my 33rd birthday, I went to a party in memory of Santa Cruz DJ Tino Gutierrez, who died a few weeks previously.
  32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Winning a nine-figure lottery.
  33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? What’s fashion again?
  34. What kept you sane? My bicycles.
  35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Female: Radha Mitchell (“Pitch Black”) and Jewel Staite (“Firefly”). Male: Brad Pitt and Bill Murray.
  36. What political issue stirred you the most? The 2004 election.
  37. Who did you miss? My kids, my friends in Idaho, Mo and Booty, and the Staple party.
  38. Who was the best new person you met? Amanda.
  39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. Do not underestimate yourself. Despite a month on the couch, I met my 2004 cycling mileage goal and exceeded it by over 1000 miles.
  40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year? “There’s been those times when I can’t see clear. And everything seems hazy and it brings me down. There’s been those times when I hate to be. I just do what do with what I’ve got and I feel it in my heart. I’m telling, telling you — take my advice, I’ve gone through it, too — just take control and, to your surprise, the doors will open to your green light. Your life, only you can make a difference. Your life, only you can make it right.” — Julius Papp featuring Jessica Marquez, Your Life, Hed Kandi’s Beach House CD 2